On Monday, October 1, Susan made the decision to suspend her treatment and let nature take its course with the cancer.
I knew that once her decision was made there was no turning back this time, and although angry at first, I accept and honor her decision as I know her friends and followers will as well. Susan tried to write this post herself, but her energy levels are declining and I hope that I can honorably speak for her.
Anyone who has been around cancer knows the toll it takes on the body, mind, and spirit. Susan tried hard, often rallying and giving us all hope that she would stay in the fight, but the abusive cancer attacked her too strongly, and she felt that there was no more hope that she could diffuse the outcome.
She is quickly declining without the daily care of Dr. Akoury and the treatments she was getting and it's obvious now just how well the treatments were working, and how without them she is falling prey to the disease.
Susan has a wonderful team of Hospice caretakers who come in to help her, along with Dr. Akoury and myself, we've welcomed the visits of her closest friends. Through the tears and anguish we all realize that she has made peace within herself and accepted the outcome, but ask ourselves can we find that peace as well?
The only thing missing is Susan's family.
I have to speak to Susan's son and her sister: Although you've made very angry and ugly remarks to her publicly and privately, she always has a deep love for you. The same blood that runs through your body runs through hers and you can never change that fact. There comes a time when forgiveness must take place and for whatever wrongs you feel she has done to you, I assure you they are nothing in comparison to the pain she's experiencing knowing she will never be able to touch you, hug you, or hear your voices again.
I may not be able to change your hearts or your minds, but my wish is that you find a way to soften your bitterness and contact her before it's too late. If you would like to do that, please leave a comment here and I'll make it happen. I know you read the blogs often. Please reach out to her, no mother should have to die thinking her only child hates her.
She leaves you only a legacy of hope. Hope that you will grow into the man she envisioned, strong yet compassionate, not angry and bitter, with the capacity to love as she has loved you. Her new book, Holding My Hand Through Hell was written with you in mind, so that you would know the truth from her perspective, and that you would see what made your mother who she is and why she did the things she did.
I will hold her hand until she enters heaven because God placed that responsibility on me, at great cost to my own family and the families of her friends. This experience is one I never, ever thought I would have to do, not prepared for, nor do I want to, and I only hope I have the courage to carry through.
Susan wants everyone to know how much she appreciates the cards, letters, gifts and donations still very important in the maintaining the quality of medicine, services and supplies that will help defray the costs of both her medical bills already incurred and her end of life expenses, and especially the LOVE that has poured all over the country from each one you.
Her wish is that donations will continue so that those who helped her will be paid what they are owed. She also hopes that everyone will do all they can to make Holding My Hand Through Hell a huge success, so the world will know that although life can be hell, with the hand of God we can all make it a better place for somebody.
We don't know the day or the hour that Susan will be taken from us, but she's comfortably waiting in the arms of angels who I'm sure will hold her hand as she enters heaven.